Assertiveness at work place for Peak Performance
A few months back I heard a person telling me that his company asked him to go for a long leave, reason was given in writing: being non-assertive at work place. People themselves are not aware of what other are extracting from their behaviour. They think themselves as working hard, following rules and behaving nice personalities and assume that it is exhibiting in their behaviour. But in reality, it is their perception and they are not aware about their communication pattern which is not exhibiting in their behaviour and making others understanding them. That person mentioned that “I can’t be manipulative,I don’t like to be mentally disturbed at my work place but I don’t want to hurt other’s too.”
What makes a person non-assertive or passive or people pleaser? What makes them not realizing this behaviour? Well, It’s FEAR, fear of being hurt, rejected, avoided, excluded or neglected. They are afraid of going through these emotions and they don’t like to be the reasons for others pain. Relationships make our life happy. At some level we are independent and at some level we need to be interdependent. We are social being and we all need people and relations to make our life enjoyable. Imagine a world where we feel alone, we are afraid of not meeting our needs, we are afraid of not being liked or included, we are afraid of being rejected or criticized, we are afraid of not being happy. These imaginations make a person ‘people pleaser or non-assertive’.
Generosity, humility and helping others are good things as long as these are not affecting our performance at work. But if these are not balanced one may lose self-confidence on his/her internal strengths and talents. No superiority, No inferiority, just Modesty. Since our childhood we all are taught to be humble, helpful, compromising and sacrificing. No doubt all these are good human values and uplift our conscious level. But to balance our emotions and behaviour we need to take care of ourselves too. It doesn’t mean we should not take care of others or become too selfish and harm others, It means we should take care of ourselves,simple. Being selfish is not appreciable but Being self-caretaker is always admirable. Giving/helping others and harming thyself is like sacrificing self-emotional, physical and mental health. When it becomes a habit then a person feels emotionally and energetically low at work and his/her behaviour affects performance drastically.
How do I know I am passive or people pleasure?
- If you feel not getting enough credits and appreciation of work.
- You can’t say No when you want to say.
- You feel guilty or self-criticized.
- You don’t like yourself or self-image.
- You try to avoid conflicts and can do anything to stop those.
- You don’t put your choice, idea or talent in front of others.
- You compromise your values; which are important for you.
- You say sorry for the things you didn’t do.
- You feel yourself to be used or disrespected.
- You bear the people when you don’t like to spend a single moment with them.
- In order to help others you keep your crucial work at second priority.
- You take care of everyone except youself.
How can I be assertive? How it can help me to improve my performance at work.
First of all, let’s understand what is the meaning of being assertive. Some might be confused with aggressive. No, both are different. It’s simple meaning is ‘Respect yourself and Respect Others’. You take care of yourself and others as well. If something is non-acceptable at value level you are not compromising it for yourself and others. Performance coaching is a good solution which includes Mastering mind and Balancing emotions that helps a person to improve this quality assertiveness. ( Note :At the bottom find contact details to book a session, feel free to contact to get more details. )
Apart from that you can follow these points.
- Bring self-awareness about your behavioural pattern which is harming you. Chalked down all those things you do and work on them to remove those patterns and thoughts.
- Bring social-awareness about other’s behaviour and understand them. Think before reacting. Practice active and deep listening before you say anything.
- Fear of losing relationship, needs to be addressed. What this fear is asking you to do without harming yourself. Focus and act on that.
- Believing in ‘relationships are strengthened and nurtured by trust not by fear’ is a powerful belief. Install some powerful beliefs.
- Express your emotions and feelings if you like or dislike something. Ask how you should be treated. Write scripts mentioning and expressing your feeling and practice these to speak.
- Ask what you want, using a clear language, don’t expect people to understand your silence. Instead of putting yourself into the trap of assumptions it is always better to have clear communication.
- Be true to your feelings, recognise, accept and manage them to exhibit a good behaviour.
- Check your decisions ‘are they harming yourself or others.’
- Be humble but be bold enough to put your views, ideas and talents.
- Instead of likeable prefer to be valuable. Remember you should be treated well and responsible for our well-being.
Being assertive helps a person to exhibit an amazing personality who keeps himself and others authentic and productive at work. It not only affects individual’s performance at work but overall performance of a team/company. It raises the climate of an individual to fit into the culture of a company. Certified Performance coaches felicitate one to one and group sessions to improve the professional’s performance level. These sessions are done in quite professional manner where company and employee information is kept completely safe. Outcome of these sessions is tangible and can be recognized by feedback mechanism.
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